{"id":755,"date":"2026-08-18T23:38:14","date_gmt":"2026-08-18T23:38:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityflowjournal.com\/?p=755"},"modified":"2026-08-18T23:38:14","modified_gmt":"2026-08-18T23:38:14","slug":"the-sexless-lives-of-millennial-feminists","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityflowjournal.com\/?p=755","title":{"rendered":"The sexless lives of millennial feminists"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It was a good time to be a Millennial girlboss in 2018. #MeToo was tearing through institutions and canceling pervs. Beyonc\u00e9 became Coachella\u2019s first black female headliner, a phenomenon known as <\/span>\u201c<\/span>Beychella<\/span>\u201d<\/span> (bonus points for the cringe portmanteau). Blogs such as <\/span>Jezebel<\/span><\/em>,\u00a0<\/span>Man Repeller<\/span><\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/span>Refinery29<\/span><\/em>\u00a0were still setting the agenda, before their bathetic banishment\u00a0into\u00a0internet\u00a0irrelevance.\u00a0In\u00a0Washington, too,\u00a0girlbosses were making their\u00a0mark. A record-breaking 102 women entered Congress that year, with four\u00a0newly minted\u00a0representatives\u00a0kickin\u2019 butt under the nickname \u201cThe Squad\u201d. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the most famous and divisive of the lot, told an interviewer that she and her squadmates \u2014 Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley and Rashida Tlaib \u2014 in fact preferred to call themselves the Spice Girls. As she explained: \u201cWe\u2019re sisters, not clones.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Will Mexico be the next front in WWIII?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In the Millennial-pink pantheon of the 2010s, that comparison made a lot of sense. Like others of her generation, the now-36-year-old AOC was brought up in the age of girlpower. Her schooldays would have been soundtracked by spangly enticements to \u201cspice up your life\u201d, or boys-suck battle cries like \u201cGod help the mister that comes in between me and my sisters\u201d. The Spice Girls\u2019 worldview was about being gobby and exuberant, intractable with men and fiercely loyal to your golden galpals.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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But now\u00a0it\u2019s\u00a02026, and the girlbosses of yore are pushing 40.\u00a0This month<\/span>,<\/span>\u00a0AOC has faced the wrath of the\u00a0MAGA\u00a0internet\u00a0for documenting the invasive and maligned process of freezing her eggs.\u00a0It was reported that she\u2019d broken up with her partner of\u00a0more than a decade;\u00a0in a characteristic stunt, while the spotlight was on her\u00a0anyway,\u00a0she appeared on livestreams injecting herself with hormones\u00a0and used\u00a0the controversy as an opportunity to stick her boot\u00a0into her Republican critics.\u00a0\u201cThey talk about being pro-family,\u201d she said during one stream,\u00a0\u201cbut all of a sudden when a 36-year-old talks about having a baby they\u2019re mad.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Of course, the objection among\u00a0conservatives\u00a0is not the\u00a0<\/span>fact<\/span>\u00a0of her wanting a child;\u00a0it\u2019s\u00a0that this decision has, in their view, come\u00a010-plus years too late. Allie Beth Stuckey, a\u00a0Christian influencer with three daughters at\u00a0just\u00a034, accused Cortez of \u201cglamorizing\u00a0the lie that women can have it all\u201d. Stuckey, who has no small personal investment in promoting a way of life for which she herself has\u00a0presumably sacrificed\u00a0a lot, is right to point\u00a0out that Cortez\u2019s choices\u00a0<\/span>will<\/span> influence the young women who come\u00a0after\u00a0her. Many women of my age\u00a0\u2014\u00a027\u00a0\u2014\u00a0who have only vaguely engaged with headlines about AOC\u2019s egg-freezing, will\u00a0probably register\u00a0it as proof of there being infinite time. What many of us\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0want to reckon with is the cost, both financial and physical, of such a procedure \u2014 and the fact that even for those of us who can afford it, it is still no guarantee.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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But Stuckey and the\u00a0Republicans who have\u00a0keelhauled AOC for simply wanting a baby this week\u00a0are missing the broader picture: tumbling birth rates are the legacy of Millennial\u00a0culture\u00a0<\/span>as a whole<\/span>. AOC is merely the public face of a generation of girlbosses who are encountering, for the first time, the real-world limitations on that Spice Girl optimism.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Girlbossdom was about the beautiful marriage of feminism and capitalism; its victors would enjoy the same spoils \u2014 money, status, power \u2014 as men in the corporate world. Structural problems became individual ones to be negotiated with endless ambition and confidence \u2014 and making all the right choices. To that extent, egg-freezing itself is a spiritually girlboss procedure. It tries to fix an imperfect world with an expensive self-optimization project;\u00a0motherhood,\u00a0with its inconvenience,\u00a0mess\u00a0and tendency to\u00a0clog up\u00a0calendars,\u00a0is magicked\u00a0into the future as\u00a0coolly\u00a0as rescheduling\u00a0your monthly mani-pedi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is the caricature which women like Stuckey despise.\u00a0<\/span>The row\u00a0recalls that<\/span>much-reposted\u00a0<\/span>New Yorker<\/em>\u00a0<\/span>cover<\/span> from 2000, showing a golden-haired mother cradling four bonny bundles, a gorgeous, curly explosion of maternal light, while a minidress-clad party girl, all blue-pale and angular, shrinks\u00a0in horror at the cooing collective. The mother\u2019s\u00a0leonine grin and her\u00a0neighbor\u2019s\u00a0stricken brow suggests the single girl will not be binning her contraceptives anytime soon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Hands off the constitution, Andy<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I believe that 26 years ago<\/span>,<\/span>\u00a0when this cover came out, the joke would have been that the mother was in fact\u00a0<\/span>happy,\u00a0<\/span>even though her choices horrify other, more liberated, women.\u00a0This is the feminism AOC, herself a New Yorker, would have been steeped in from girlhood.\u00a0Today, though,\u00a0the\u00a0image\u00a0has a different valence: it has been recirculated\u00a0time and again\u00a0online in recent years, throwing up a newer\u00a0and nastier reading. Our cold, empty party girl is today the object of pity; the timeless flower-crowned mother-goddess is<\/span>,<\/span>\u00a0in the end<\/span>,<\/span>\u00a0the victor of our culture wars, though she would not then have heard the word\u00a0\u201c<\/span>trad-wife<\/span>\u201d<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Nor is this shift so surprising. Back then,\u00a0after\u00a0all,\u00a0the party girl\u00a0lived\u00a0in\u00a0the urban choice-feminist playground, guided by principles of liberation.\u00a0Independence was not shameful but a supreme virtue; education was emancipation; work was identity; female friendship would ward off dour dealings with men.\u00a0So it was that being single,\u00a0having a clutch of degrees, being chained to your desk and laughing about\u00a0awful\u00a0dates with your girlboss friends was the highest aspirational plane.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Now, though, it is 2026, and these guiding principles are not the comfort they once were. In the place of independence we have sexless solitude; too many graduates drift in an oversaturated market; the job does not love us back; the girlboss\u2019s ride-or-die friends are too busy wiping babies\u2019 chins to go to the club. If the girlboss thrived in a shared sense of defiance, it must then be highly demoralizing for her to see professional disappointment and mediocrity picking off her peers, who look to marriage and motherhood for the fulfillment they were told a master\u2019s degree and consulting gig might afford them. After years of job-market stagnation and economic shocks, many of the movement\u2019s strongest soldiers have abandoned prickly \u201cpraxis\u201d for prams and diapers.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Altogether, then, AOC\u2019s fertility treatment is in fact not about her at all. Instead, it\u2019s a bigger story\u00a0of loneliness,\u00a0of\u00a0societies diving well below\u00a0replacement\u00a0rate<\/span>,<\/span>\u00a0and\u00a0of former Epic Bacon Millennials looking 40 in the face with a furious feeling that\u00a0a dream\u00a0has been\u00a0mis-sold.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Why did\u00a0Millennial feminism fail?\u00a0Basic economics\u00a0is surely part of\u00a0the answer: only a select\u00a0few,\u00a0it turns out, can climb the corporate ladder to girlbossdom.\u00a0But\u00a0there\u2019s\u00a0more to it than that. When relationships became optional,\u00a0the offer was\u00a0supposed\u00a0to improve.\u00a0Men and women were meant to have\u00a0closer\u00a0and more\u00a0compassionate\u00a0lives together,\u00a0built\u00a0through conscious and careful\u00a0choice\u00a0and not\u00a0social pressure.\u00a0In the event,\u00a0the\u00a0sexes\u00a0simply grew\u00a0apart,\u00a0pushed\u00a0into apathy\u00a0by the very same internet which was meant to connect them, and which briefly brought\u00a0<\/span>Jezebel\u00a0<\/span>and the rest so much fame<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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All the while, I suspect my Gen-Z peers will face the same catty bollocks from resentful trads in 10 years\u2019 time when we go in search of fertility treatments; unless the sexual settlement improves, more generations will continue to stare down 40 without children or a partner, against their hopes. The problem has never been \u201cselfish\u201d women freezing their eggs \u2014 the online fertility-treatment-shamers this week should stop their prattling. It was that many women who <\/span>wanted<\/span> to settle down earlier have had to seek out treatments at all. As ever, a familiar culprit hides skulking in the corner: none of this can be fixed until our culture addresses the growing estrangement of men and women. That\u2019s, after all, how babies are made.<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Mario Vargas Llosa\u2019s soap-opera life<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was a good time to be a Millennial girlboss in 2018. #MeToo was tearing through institutions and canceling pervs. Beyonc\u00e9 became Coachella\u2019s first black female headliner, a phenomenon known as \u201cBeychella\u201d (bonus points for the cringe portmanteau). Blogs such as Jezebel,\u00a0Man Repeller\u00a0and\u00a0Refinery29\u00a0were still setting the agenda, before their bathetic banishment\u00a0into\u00a0internet\u00a0irrelevance.\u00a0In\u00a0Washington, too,\u00a0girlbosses were making their\u00a0mark. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":754,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[220],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-girlboss"],"yoast_head":"\nThe sexless lives of millennial feminists - \u0421ity Flow Journal<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityflowjournal.com\/?p=755\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The sexless lives of millennial feminists - \u0421ity Flow Journal\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It was a good time to be a Millennial girlboss in 2018. #MeToo was tearing through institutions and canceling pervs. Beyonc\u00e9 became Coachella\u2019s first black female headliner, a phenomenon known as \u201cBeychella\u201d (bonus points for the cringe portmanteau). 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